Today, I decided to become an Author! Being that I'm a Writer, that statement might sound redundant but I recently discovered that these are two distinct entities. See I already had some issues, you know, recognizing the Muse-voices in my head that scream until I write them down or hearing a lyric that triggers writing fits or hearing poetry in a two word sentence or... well, you get the point. Issues! So this Writer-Author thing drove me damn near crazy until I went to see a literary psychic, Dr. Dinninit. I know that I'm breaking the doctor/patient priviledge thing but this is how the therapy session went:
Dr. Dinninit: You have to get over your fears and put yourself out there.
Me: But Doc, I'm a private person. I put my words out there. Ain't that enough?
Dr. D: That's called writing. I'm talking Author. When I say 'out there', I mean 'outside of yourself'. And much of that is making yourself available.
Me: I am available Dinninit!
Dr. D: I've read your writings... and, no, you're not. Writing is a part of you, yes?
Dr. D: So its personal. But you have a degree of separation that I sense.
Dr. D: I'm psychic, okay. I see things. I can help you with your problem though.
Dinninit reached into a burlap sack next to his chair and pulled out a slobjaw. He stood, came over to the couch and rubbed the slobjaw on my face and began to chant.
Dr. D: Ehhhh bedicky debahdahdah. Shah-ken-da-bah! Shah-ken-da-bah!
I ran out of Dr. Dinninit's office - what the hell is a slobjaw anyway? - .... but that's beside the point. I can either become an Author or go back to Dinninit. So that's how I became an Author.
Dinninit? Did I hear somebody say Dinninit?
AANNNNNDDDD, I'm back! Told you that I have some issues!
Now comes the hard part: Getting you to come inside my web. I would try hypnosis but that would be a totally different pyschic and I'm still trying to recover from the slobjaw. Dinninit vexed me. Now I don't show up on photographs! Next time I see his ass!!! It's on! The good doctor is not invited... but you are. I'm on a Quest and I'm looking forward to the adventure.
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